Hi I'm Arnie (aka Mark) I was born back in 1981 and dedicated a large part of my life to becoming a well rounded individual. At the peak of my physical fatness I weighed in at a sumo sized 19st 7lbs! All was going swell until one icy January weekend after a heavy night on the lager I decided to dust off the old treader and re-acquaint myself with the great outdoors. For the rest of the year   I cycled at least three times a week (60 miles), replaced the lager with lettuce, fast food with fast cycling and even integrated a few gym trips into the mix. I now weigh in at 12st 6lbs.   I cycle as often as possible with Duncan and my brother Paul, I also make regular trips to Cornwall to visit my good friend and fellow mountain biker Beany where we tackle some more extreme terrain.

 

 

Welcome back to my Blog, new site same shite! 

 


07/05/08 I'm back on my bike!!!!!!!!      


Summer is here and I can ride again things couldn't be better! Well actually a lottery win wouldn't be a kick in the nuts but generally things are good. If anyone's wondered where I've been this past 3 months then basically the lower part of my spine turned to cottage cheese rendering me unfit for duty. I've been riding now for over 2 years and can't remember ever being off my bike for more than a few days and you'll be pleased to know I haven't forgotten how to ride. I might be a bit rusty, but seeing as recently I had the physical dexterity of Stephen Hawking, I'm not doing too bad and should have the stabilizers off by the weekend.

Last Saturday Beany and I successfully completed the fatties training loop but I have to say we weren't setting any records. I used to ride that route three times a week and would barely break into a sweat, Saturday however at least 90% of my body mass had evaporated. My fitness level at the moment is somewhere between comical and morbid. Fortunately I'm confident there is a solution. I have spoken, at length, to a few experts on the matter and together we have formulated a training plan which encompasses my needs as an individual and offers a refreshingly new angle on dietary advice. It goes as follows:                                                                                          

β (fitness) =  (Ψ (pedaling) x E (energy) ) – Π (pie + chips)

T (time)

This apparently means eat less cycle more. Splendid! Strange how every formula I can remember from school somehow included Pi (pie).

 

15-16/09/2007

 

Saturday, me, Beany and Jase decided to head straight for the down hill track at wheal maid in Cornwall. The weather was perfect overnight drizzle had reduced the amount of dust and the track was going to be very fast. Perfect for Jase's first taste of one of the hairiest tracks I have ever ridden. I like this track because it is quite technical and will really test your nerve on some of the steep slopes and drop offs. We started the first run with Beany in front then Jase and me following at a rolling pace. Despite a sensible initiation Jason's legs were shaking from adrenalin at the end of the course but he was grinning from ear to ear.

 

Sunday Beanie and I met up with Kei, a local mountain biker who has a passion for speed and skills to back up the pace. After a short DH blast we headed into the surrounding woods to push our skill base further. With Kei as a worthy tutor he encouraged us to practice basic bike skills and to attempt a few drop offs which previously I wouldn't have gone near without a parachute and grapple hooks. Kei used to live close to the wheal maid quarry and new many of the hundreds of trails and tracks created by or for mountain bikers. That particular region is an absolute playground for keen mountain bikers from novices wobbling round on Saracens to full on Down Hillers on £3k+ rigs. The main thing is all are welcomed even Fatties!

More than once in Cornwall we ended up at Mars (a local name for the base of the quarry) to practice some jumping on some of the doubles set up by mountain bikers and BMXers. It became apparent very quickly that god did not design me to fly through the air with grace or control. Anyone who knows anything about jumping will tell you that you should basically push off the jump shaping your body/bike to guide your bike through to the landing slope before putting your landing gear down smoothly. The problem I have is that I'm not very good at taking other peoples advice! My personal technique is to aim the bike roughly at the highest point on the jump pedal like a loony then the moment I feel the front will touch the jump go completely rigid and say my prayers. Some time after landing I re-open my eyes and inspect the damage. Jumping is an important technique and one I need to practice and get right. The only thing that is stopping me is FEAR!!!!! Or common sense as I like to call it.


 

  

14/09/07

Ok so it's been a while and to be honest and I don't know where to begin. Over the past few months I haven't had as many mountain biking opportunities as I'd liked and let's face it over the summer the weather has been crap! You would be better off paddling than peddling and most of the new forest has been tidal. That said I have been to Cornwall a few times and explored Queen Elizabeth Country Park with my good friend's beanie and BMXer James. I even managed to get my brother and fellow Fat mountain biker Paul off of the gravel paths and onto the single track and I think he has been converted. I also have a confession to make. My rockhopper has seen more tarmac than greenery!!! My daily ride to and from work (about 10 miles) takes me through the grey streets, traffic, and air pollution which are the staple ingredients of urban sprawl! In fact any sign of vegetation and greenery in the city center parks has been matted down by dog shit, and any remaining wildlife clinging onto its dying habitat is now completely unrecognizable due to its un natural diet of leftover fast food from a wheelie bin in a Mc Donald's car park. I deemed it necessary to swap the lush green forest tracks for the concrete jungle just to keep fit and keep the peddle hours up. A sad state of affairs but my passion for mountain biking remains un-damaged!

I have recently bought some new kit too. I have changed my setup from dmr v12s to syncros race pedals. And with my new 5-10s my feet feel welded to the pedals. I have also replaced the hand grips for some of those ODI bolt on efforts and I'm chuffed.

This weekend me and Jason are off to Beanie's place in Cornwall where we are going to introduce Jason to downhill at wheal maid and test the new setup! I can't wait!

 

 

18/05/07

 

Last Friday evening me and Jase (SAVIOUR) managed to meet up for a New Forest ride up to and around Brockenhurst. What started out as a short ride turned into a marathon adventure involving a lost mobile phone and a scout camp! Long story. The forest was a busy place to be that evening with cub scouts and orienteering groups doing there very best to ruin every down hill section in an otherwise flat forest. I have two bells on my bike to let people know I'm heading straight for them at 20+mph and they have about 2 seconds to dive out of the way before 13 stone of mountain biker will attempt to occupy the exact same spot they are stood and boy its going to be a tight squeeze!

The rest of the ride was a pleasure, I'm particularly fond of the run through the woods from Matley Wood campsite back down towards Dearleap. The sun had set and it was very dark through there making it hard to see many of the hazards. I'm looking forward to more evening riding in the coming months.

 

07/05/07

 

Its been a while since I last updated my blog but i can assure you theres been loads happening including a trip to Dartmoor, a few Cornish trails, a bit of downhill and a lot of New Forest cycling too. Despite this i have to say my focus over the last two months has been fatness training rather than fitness training and boy have i been dedicated! I haven't even been to the gym at all which is unusual however i have been putting the hours in at various new forest pubs and restaurants and my enthusiasm for lager has been at an all time high. Just 2 months into this grueling schedule and the results have been astounding. My belly has reshaped itself into a beach ball and i can now fit back into jeans that failed to stay up 2 years ago. The tide has now turned however and I'm back on my bike and loving every minute of it.

 

This week I have had the bike out four times in the New Forest and I've been making the most of the lack of rainfall, the trails are bone dry and therefore fast and the dust is slippery, perfect! Actually thats not entirely true the New Forest is completely bone dry except for a small section 2mx2m in Denny Wood enclosure. I know this to be true after landing in this foul smelling stagnant swamp Friday afternoon. I found a half descent section of single track i had previously ignored and decided to ride it flat out, I rounded a large oak with exposed roots which led me straight into the swamp. I pulled hard to keep the front wheel up but the bike stopped dead and this sling shotted me at high speed straight into the middle. After managing to ease myself out of the mud and algae i looked back to find my bike partially submerged and i had to go and fetch it. I can’t describe the smell with words but lets just say that mud could have only have been the product of hells very own arsehole and surely couldn't have been organic. I decided to head home stopping every 50yds or so to reach, by the end of the ride I'm sure i had nearly turned myself inside out trying to be sick. Next time i attack that section i might adjust my line around that oak tree.      

 

 

 

                                                                                             

06/03/07

 

The Quantocks.

Beany and i had decided to cycle the quantocks some 6 months ago and after extensive research into what is said to be one of the top 10 mountain biking destinations in the country, we were excited to finally get there. The weather was good despite a NW breeze which could cut a diamond but the ground was extremely wet after heavy storms the night before. The plan was to follow the main ridge of the quantocks North and pick up some of the tracks which flow down the rolling hills. The best we found is apparently called 'Smiths Combe' And was a fast flowing single track which zig zagged across grazing land into woods and across the river. This is what we made the grueling trip for and it was certainly worth it. I threw myself at the first section weaving between the trees gaining momentum and flowing across the loose mud and rocks. It was fast and i was frantically studying the track in front for hazards and choosing my line at a frightening pace when i was suddenly blinded. I panicked and anchored on the brakes and pulled up as quickly as possible to scoop the large lump of Somerset's finest mud out of my eyes. Thats price   I pay for not having mud guards. The reason for this is as follows: When you think of mud guards and push bikes it conjours up an image of a blue rinsed coffin dodger weaving in front of cars on an oxidized silver tourer with a basket full of shopping! So no thanks I'll stay un guarded! Vision restored i continued   I was a bit unnerved by cycling at speed across fast flowing rivers with any large rocks being submerged below the rushing water but i just threw the bike in and all was cool. The water logged ground and biting wind certainly took its toll and after only 17miles we turned back towards the car. In short the quantocks was not as we expected and would have been so much better if the ground wasn't as water logged. Even the sheep needed wellies. We will be back.....In the summer!

 

 

 

 

07/03/07

 

The day after the Quantocks we headed to the Wheal Made Valley to brush up our skills on the down hill courses and dirt jumps. The day was about pushing the boundaries. Facing fears and dumping adrenalin! Beany is always notably faster than myself on the down hill tracks there, a product of having alot more nerve more knowledge of the track's better technique's a higher fitness level and also  I doubt a top end full susser is much of a hindrance. I was determined to close the gap this time and take a little bit more of an aggressive approach. I hadn't fallen off in CCornwall for a long time now so   I was obviously not pushing hard enough. This philosophy certainly payed off and my speed increased dramatically. My confidence was on a high and we were both landing bigger jumps. The next item on the checklist was drop-offs. We found a long steep slope and   I decided to experiment. I figured if   I went off the top of the slope fast enough i would clear most of it and land safely on the run off, easy peasy. Beany was more skeptical and explained how   I should pre jump and ride the slope down but i saw this as too slow and un necessary and dismissed it as absolute nonsense! With my new found confidence   I searched for a run up, buttoned up my bike hat and accelerated towards the edge. I felt the ground fall from under me followed by the bike and then with a cartoon esque time delay i began to fall too. I managed to get one foot back on the pedal but my other leg missed. The saddle came up into my chest on the landing but at least   I was still on the bike! Well nearly my hands were on the handle bars my chest was on the saddle, my arse was rubbing on the back wheel, one foot was on the pedals and my other leg was helplessly flayeling in the dust and dirt behind me! bearing in mind I'm still doing twenty or so miles per hour and can't use the brakes for fear of loosing my genitals in the spokes, it was the single most undignified moment in my mountain biking history. Next time I'll pre jump.

 

09/03/07

 

We thought we would visit Dartmoor and chose a short route suggested by   MBR Magazine. The scenery was stunning especially over the reservoir and the tracks to get there were superb. All the tracks were littered with small to large boulders and criss crossed with concrete jumps, ok drainage ditches   but they did a good impression of jumps. Some of the longer sections were punishing and you had to be brave and steer round some of the larger rocks. The bike took a real hammering and I'm sure  I lost a few filling's too. But it was awesome. All your bike handling skills are tested and speed really is your friend. The adrenalin rush was intense and the wind resistance at 20+mph was making my eyes stream but i daren't blink for fear of missing a rock which could send me off at any moment. I recommend this area to everyone. The mountain bikings good, the scenery is amazing and there are some great driving roads to get there too. The only real downside is the herd's of multi coloured rain-mac wearing bobble hatted divs they call ramblers.

 

 

 

 

  11/03/07

 

Back to Wheal Made down hill for a quick few runs to top off a blinding week of mountain biking. I wanted to boost my confidence on the down hill so we headed to the top of the course only to be met  by a couple of guys waiting to run with top of the range down hill bikes, full body pads and full face motor cycle style helmets. These guys looked pro. I was stood there with a hardtail bike a pair of shorts, a fleece and a helmet which wouldn't look out of place in a yr9 cake proficiency class. We let the big boys go first and watch their descent. If i had one word to describe these guys speed it would be sedate. I couldn't believe it what a couple of planks! Come on guys its no good buying £3k bikes and dressing up like a storm trooper unless you've got the skills to match. I'm a novice     and   I have a novice bike. I still don't believe I've come close to limitations of my Rockhopper. One day   I may upgrade but not until my skill levels require it.

 

 

 

 

 

Sat 24th Feb QE

 

Friday 23rd there we were Jase and I, sat in the pub watching the rain make the outside world a   soggier place contemplating the following days visit to QE. The forecast was good but with the overnight rain i predicted the following 1.) Beanie would fall off! 2.) I would fall off! 3.) We were going to have fun thus restoring the pleasure pain balance.

 

The following morning and it had stopped raining as was forecast and with Beanies first visit to QE the excitement was building. We began the long slow climb to the start of the first down hill run with me explaining how my earlier calculations for the descent did not bode well for us:

 

 

                              Mud+ Trees x Overnight rain

                              No Ability x LittleExperiance   = Ambulance!

 

 

With this in mind we decided to walk down, like f***!   I decided to lead the descent this lasted for 20yds until Beanie came thundering through, throwing his bike into the corners speedway style putting himself on collision course with a rather sturdy looking douglas fir!   I looked up to see his front wheel go right of the tree and beany going to the left 'Thud!' The old couple sat on the bench just yards away did not look too impressed, I'm sure i heard a 'tut' as we immediately jumped back on and threw ourselves at the next section trying to maintain a shred of dignity.

 

A few more descents later and we had all found our groove. Its hard to control momentum with zero grip, but its a lot of fun trying. After a brief pit stop we headed for the down hill course which none of us had ever attempted before. Its to long to recce first so we decided to ride it completely blind. Beany went first and i was trying to catch up but the course was nearly un-ridable. The descent went as follows: riding through mud, sliding through mud, lying in mud! Me on bike, me off bike, bike on me! I was having a bad day at the office. I fell off twice, the consequence of too much enthusiasm and not much talent!

 

I took stock...Battered, bruised, beaten, cut, bleeding, humiliated, tired, cold, wet...... After that much fun it was time to call it a day.

 

Sun 25th Feb New Forest

 

I woke up Sunday morning after a late night bathing my liver in carling and eating my own body weight in fried food. I dragged myself out of bed for a grueling muddy bike marathon. As you can imagine still sporting the wounds from the day before... I felt tremendous!

 

 

Jason and I met up with Beany and headed for Ashurst campsite where we took a short cut to the woods at the back of deerleap. We soon discovered that most of the new forest was either submerged in mud or had floated away. Still according to the herbivorous (vegetarians) mud is good for the complexion! What would they know they're all grey skinned and spotty. We headed through Denny Wood to Brockenhurst then out on the Sway Road to join a path which take you under the railway line up into some woods and down a short section of single track littered with tree roots. The best way to ride this section is as fast as possible, floating over the smaller tree roots and trying to get air off of the bigger ones. You have to concentrate on your line though, if you glance a large tree route at speed then game over! Mud may well be good for your complexion but I'll hazard a guess that hitting an oak tree at speed isn't.

Our humiliated route was 26 miles all in and certainly took its toll, i have no idea how Jase managed   it, well actually i do, Its called High5 Energy Gel with extra emphasis on the High! Jason managed about 4 miles to the gallon of   High5. It certainly kept him going with the only side effects being dry eyes and sleep loss for the next few weeks! Get well soon Jase and remember to blink at least once an hour like the doctor said!

What a top weekend its been thanks to beany for coming down from Cornwall and thanks to Jase for Joining us and getting stuck in!

 

 

18/02/07

 

Its been a while since my last blog entry just been a bit rushed and haven't spent enough time on the bike but today kind of helped to re-dress the balance a bit.

 

QE (Queen Elizabeth country park)

Having never ventured far from the new with my mountain bike   I was delighted to be invited to QE by Top BMX veteran and all round nice guy James Christie. An hours drive from the New Forest but a thousand miles in terms ot terrain the chalky hills of QE and the southdowns provides a welcome break from the flat heathland of the new forest.

 

The initial climb from the car park quickly sorted the men from the boys (Jase) but our first decent led by James made it all worth while. Lasting a good 3 minutes in all the route was made up of mainly single track through woods on slippery chalk and loose mud much of which was off camber making maneuvers round the various tree stumps and tree trunks very dicey! My tactic was simple stick to James he knows these woods well, not quite as simple was keeping up with him. It was obvious that many years racing BMX bikes was now paying dividends. I was never a fan of BMX bikes as a kid. They had no gears, the   wheels were far too small and like most of the rest of the bike were made from plastic and this meant peddling twice as fast to get anywhere, and besides if you weren't wobbling round on an oversized mountain bike your Dad bought you for Christmas by age 10 then you would be bullied.  

 

After a quick pit stop we were joined by Darren, another top BMX racer. Together we climbed further into the wooded hills and upto the start of a down hill track. After a quick recce of the course on foot i remembered i left my parachute and grapple hooks at home and decided it would be wise to leave that one for another day.

On the way back to the car park we spotted what could be described loosely as a down hill track on one of the the steeper wooded hills which had obviously not been ridden for a while and probably for good reason. It was more of a slalom course dodging trees and stumps and trying to scrub speed on the loose mud before the tight turns. It certainly got the adrenalin pumping and topped off an absolute result of a days cycling! Thanks to James, Darren and Jase for a fun filled day. I look forward to some top mountain biking with you guys in the future.  

 

01/01/2007

HNY everyone.

 

I got back from Cornwall yesterday afternoon after spending four days with Beany and family. I managed to get the bike out once in that period braving the lashing wind and rain, and I'm gald i did. We headed for a quarry in the Wheal Made Valley area of Cornwall where there is some fast single track, abrupt jumps, downhill sections, steep drop-offs and some berms which defy Newtonian laws! Perfect! There are several runs to choose from which range from terrifying to suicidal. Our first two descents into the valley were completed at adrenalin dumping pace with Beany leading the way on his full susser and me trying in vain to stay close on the Rockhopper!

Despite encountering alot of slippery loose mud at the top of the run and a loose bolder on a berm, we were relatively un scathed. The third decent we chose took us through a wooded area of single track and nearly ended in disaster when we came across a fallen tree blocking the route. If we were going any faster we would have truly become at one with nature! After a bit of tree surgery and clearing the path we continued down a steep descent into a fast high sided berm which sets you up perfectly for a ramp in the middle of a 30m relatively flat stretch of track. Beany landed the jump wrong and dropped the bike on some big stones, fortunately he was OK! Shaken but not stirred, broken but but not beaten and with his characteristic enthusiasm still in tact, we ran the section again making the most of the waining light, and this time both cleared what now seems like a tame jump.

 

I unpacked the bike from the car today and washed off all of the Cornish crud, to my surprise the bike is nearly in working order, other than the indicator on the gear selector not working and the front wheel slightly bent. Result! Its not often i can say that after a Cornish excursion.